The Scars of Friendly Fire

Heart wounds happen.  They happen in friendships, marriage, families, neighborhoods, and leadership situations.  You are susceptible to heart wounds in any relationship, at any time.

Maturity teaches us to expect wounds.  But they still hurt.

Some people unknowingly hurt us. Others want to hurt us and are good at it.  And some people simply don't care - they are numb to other people's feelings.  Their worlds are very small.

What surprises us is when we are wounded by someone we trust - shot from behind by someone we trust.


An incident happens, there's a trip in communication, a misunderstanding, a misreading of intent, an insensitivity to the other and the trigger is pulled.   Damage is done.

A wound is inflicted, not by an enemy.  
But by a friend.  
It's called 'Friendly Fire' but it doesn't feel very friendly.

Did you not see me?  

Did you forget that we're on the same team?

Did you forget that I'm invested?
My time?  Resources?
I'm committed - does it matter?

Do you appreciate who I am?  

Or am I simply a commodity?

My personal temptation is to wrap up my heart in bandages, coddle it, and whisper lies of self-entitlement to it - breathing infections of bitterness, unforgiveness, and defensiveness.

But I spend a bit of time around others who coddle their wounded and unforgiving hearts - who are selfish, bitter, and full of accusation.  They attempt to hide their wounds but you can smell the rot of bitterness whenever they talk about the person or situation.

They haven't chosen the process of forgiveness.
Of healing.  Of wisdom.

I don't want to be like that.

I'm slowly learning to trust my wounds to the Great Physician, and wouldn't you know- He performs miraculous surgery every time, often removing ugliness in my heart that I was unaware of.   While my prideful finger wants to point at the other person and the world's injustices, I'm reminded that I'm only responsible for my responses, selfishness, or self-righteousness.

God reminds me that each wound is an opportunity to grow.
To learn.
To practice love and forgiveness.
Whether or not the other person deserves it.

I don't deserve God's grace yet He gives it freely.

Who am I to withhold grace from someone else?

My heart is covered in scars.  Some are deeper than others.  Some are still bright red - fresh and healing.  Some scars fade but many remain.  In a culture that disdains reminders of pain and loss, I have the choice to remember what each scar means without holding onto bitterness or resentment.

Each scar represents a relationship I was willing to invest into, a friendship sought, a partnership extended.

Each scar represents a lesson in humility.

Each scar represents sorrow and loss yet healing and restoration.

Each scar was earned although maybe not deserved.

Each scar is a testimony to God's healing power.  

A resource you may find helpful: When You've Been Wronged: Moving from Bitterness to Forgiveness


Question:  What have you found most helpful in forgiving those who've hurt you?