20 Years Since High School

"I could've done without high school" would be my mantra for several years following graduation as I inwardly recoiled at the remembrance of failed quizzes, relationship drama, and the smells of cafeteria food.

I was a fluffy, pimply-faced adolescent who was open to friendships with everyone yet desperately tried to fly below the radar, paralyzed with feelings of inadequacy.  A common high school dilemma.  

So why in the world would I feel compelled to attend a 20 year reunion?  

A) Curiosity

B) My inner extrovert was longing to reconnect  

C) It was a good excuse to see old friends and make new ones

D) It was a good excuse to see high school classmates that are now friends on social media

E) All the above  

Definitely E.  

And lots of A.  With a strong dose of  B.   And plenty of C and D.  

(Sounds like a vitamin drink.)

We'll just stick with 'E'.

The evening of the reunion, I watched as the slow-moving crowd of smiling faces began to enter the room, each person welcoming others around them.  Apparently I showed up early even though I was thirty minutes late.  

With each face I recognized, I felt my heart growing in delight.  Suddenly I was flooded of warm memories.  

"She was my favorite _______!"  

"He was my favorite____!"

"They were my favorites!"

I rarely asked, "How are you?"  Instead I just blurted, "Hi!  Do you remember me?" while hoping they remembered something good.  Apparently I didn't view myself as very memorable.  

Later I would explain the various personalities to my husband who graduated several years before me from a neighboring 'hick' town, describing our class as a big melting pot. 

"He was always really nice to everyone!"  

"She always smiled!"

"He was always kind - a bit brooding perhaps - but always compassionate." 

"She was always bouncing and excited like that.  To everyone!"

"She looks just the same now as she did then!  It's awesome!  And a bit odd...."

"I don't even know who the heck that was..."

I grew up in Central Oregon.  In the 90's.  When grunge was real.  We just didn't know it.  My Subaru tape deck was constantly playing Counting Crows, Smashing Pumpkins, The Cranberries, Stone Temple Pilots, Blind Melon, Nirvana, and Tom Petty.  There were a few other favorites that I won't mention, mostly because I've forgotten.   

Certainly there were exclusive-type personalities but 85% of everyone rolled comfortably in denim and flannel. We were soulful, seeking, and a bit dark.  

As I drove home, I found myself wondering why it was that I had such a strong dislike for high school in the first place.  Perhaps it's just one of those things that requires distance and space to appreciate it.

...like the beauty of Central Oregon.  Twelve years ago I moved to Southeastern Washington, landscaped with rolling hills of dirt, grass, and tumbleweeds.   I had no idea how gorgeous Central Oregon was until I went back to visit family.  I long for trees, trails, and ice-cold winding rivers.

photo: pixabay

While I didn't get to visit with everyone I had wanted to at the reunion, and while there were people I wasn't sure I wanted to visit with anyway, I felt so much warmth, mutual curiosity, and joyful remembrance from those that I did visit with.  It seemed that pretense had faded into the background as silver hair and beautiful laugh lines stepped forward.  

Perhaps at this stage of life, we are finally acknowledging that we are all in process.  And we always will be.  And it's okay.  

Perhaps the dreams and ideals of "real life" seemed written in permanent marker but are really just pastels, blurring more and more with each year that passes.  Sometimes messy.  Sometimes beautiful.

Perhaps we are blissfully embracing a stage in life that seemed 'old' when we were in high school yet comes with open doors of opportunity requiring a backbone of maturity.

There were so many different stories - so many experiences that were openly shared.  

Raising teens.  

Just starting a family. 

Changing careers. 

Going back to school.

Newlyweds.

photo: fancycrave

Not ready to settle down. 

Figuring out what to do.

A mess.  

Healing from wounds.

Divorced.

Remarried.

Single.  Forever.

Starting a new chapter.

photo: fancycrave

Finally brave enough to live a dream.

Fearlessly living out faith.

Getting ready to take care of aging parents.

Military. 

I guess there's not a whole lot else to say other than I'm glad I went.  I'm glad I got to hug so many necks and share so many smiles.  I'm glad for each new friend made and old friendship rekindled. And dangit anyway, I'm so glad that high school was only four years of my life and it's so very far behind me.  

photo: fancycrave

'They love to tell you, "Stay inside the lines"

But something's better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school

I wanna scream at the top of my lungs

I just found out there's no such thing as the real world

Just a lie you've got to rise above' - John Mayer

Question - Have you attended a high school reunion?  Why or why not?