Why it's So Dang Hard to Love My Neighbors

I struggle with loving my neighbors as I should and it's not their fault.  It's mine.

My family is not quiet.  We listen to our movies and music at high volumes and create mayhem as we run around the house harassing each other and taunting the dogs.  I love having fun.  But it's not our rambunctiousness that keeps me from loving my neighbors.

It's our monster moments.

I can think and communicate clearly 90% of the time in heated discussions.  Okay, 80%.  Usually.  But inevitably it's the moments where I feel provoked, exhausted, or helpless when I overreact and later discover that the living room window is wide open.  And the next-door neighbor is out working in his yard.

That's just great.

photo: pixabay

Or perhaps one of my boys throws himself into a screaming frenzy in the front yard.  And we have dinner guests.  And a concerned neighbor from several doors down pays a visit to make sure there's no bloodshed.  And I have to convince him to not call CPS.

Or perhaps one of my boys has delayed getting ready to leave.  And everyone else is waiting in the car.  And the one son is missing shoes.  And deodorant.  And he runs into the garage and hops in the car.  And we're now running late.  And I yell at him to get back out of the car.  And I may or may not threaten him with his life.  And the garage door is open.  And the next-door neighbor is out working in his yard.   Again.

I could go on and on.  Needless to say, I have no desire to march next door and pursue conversation with this neighbor as my humiliated halo hangs limply down my back.   It's hard enough to smile and make eye contact with him as I pull into our driveway.  Because he's out doing more yard work.  And his yard isn't that big!

But he's not the only neighbor I fail to engage with on a personal level.  I have other neighbors who simply hide in their homes, as most people do, so I excuse myself from caring for them at all.

photo: fancycrave

But are they my only neighbors?  No, I don't believe so.  A neighbor is someone who is placed near me in life.  A co-worker, a student, the person sitting next to me in class or the oddball I pass in the hallway each day.  My neighbor could also be someone my heart is tender to and yet lives half a world away.

photo: pixabay

Since I don't believe in coincidence I fully realize that every soul I encounter may need neighborly love - a smile, a helping hand, a prayer, a compliment, encouragement, or acknowledgement that their life matters to someone else.

My actions of genuine neighborly love have little to do with my feelings but it's remarkable how my heart is softened by my actions.  When I invest myself, I am eager for results which may or may not ever come.  And that's okay.  But I've found that when I do invest a bit of my heart in seeking their heart and well-being, I'm always blessed by the beauty revealed within the other person.

photo: fancycrave

So what do I do with the neighbor who's witnessed our family's monster moments?  While I'd prefer to hide, I know that I can't.  At least not forever.

I was recently listening to a podcast addressing neighborly love.  The speaker simply suggested taking a jaunt to the neighbors to invite them for dinner while including an apology for naughty behavior if and when necessary.  While the suggestion sounds simple, I know it's not.  It takes a lot of humility to apologize but if I've learned anything in life its that having a humble heart will nearly always open doors of relationship, soften hearts, diffuse difficult situations, and allow me to see myself as I am - broken yet beautiful and in need of tremendous grace.

Photo: Fancycrave

Pride promises nothing outside pain, isolation, and broken relationships.   Pride is the lie that you have to hide your heart instead of making it vulnerable to pain and open to delight.

Loving my neighbors isn't about how perfect I am or how perfect my family is.  And maybe that's the point.  If real love is an action and isn't based on feelings or emotions, I'm forced to move beyond my feelings of inadequacy, kick aside the embarrassment that haunts me, and love my neighbors the best that I can with who I am.

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Question:  What keeps you from engaging with the people around you?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!